MRS. DALLOWAY
He was only just past fifty. Shall I tell her, he thought,
or not? He would like to make a clean breast of it all.
But she is too cold, he thought; sewing, with her scis-
sors; Daisy would look ordinary beside Clarissa. And
she would think me a failure, which I am in their sense,
he thought; in the Dalloways’ sense. Oh yes, he had no
doubt about that; he was a failure, compared with all
this—the inlaid table, the mounted paper-knife, the
dolphin and the candlesticks, the chair-covers and the
old valuable English tinted prints—he was a failure! I
detest the smugness of the whole affair, he thought;
Richard’s doing, not Clarissa’s; save that she married
him. (Here Lucy came into the room, carrying silver,
more silver, but charming, slender, graceful she looked,
he thought, as she stooped to put it down.) And this
has been going on all the time! he thought; week after
week; Clarissa’s life; while I—he thought; and at once
everything seemed to radiate from him; journeys;
rides; quarrels; adventures; bridge parties; love affairs;
work; work, work! and he took out his knife quite
openly—his old horn-handled knife which Clarissa
could swear he had had these thirty years—and
clenched his fist upon it.
What an extraordinary habit that was, Clarissa
thought; always playing with a knife. Always making
one feel, too, frivolous; empty-minded; a mere silly
chatterbox, as he used. But I too, she thought, and,
taking up her needle, summoned, like a Queen whose
guards have fallen asleep and left her unprotected (she
had been quite taken aback by this visit—it had upset
her) so that any one can stroll in and have a look at
her where she lies with the brambles curving over her,
summoned to her help the things she did; the things
she liked; her husband; Elizabeth; her self, in short,
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